I'm trying to just glide by and get by, and I end up just sinking in. That is what it feels like. My feet and legs are being completely pulled under and the deeper I get, the harder it will be to get back up. I think that I'm fooling myself or making it easier somehow by not really loving anything and not getting attached to things. "You keep us on our toes." I said that in a blog a long time ago and it just seems so distant right now. I feel like I've been asleep, but like a Tylenol PM induced sleep. Using something unnatural to just get out of feeling things. I need to move on. I need to do good things for myself. I need to write and share what I write. I need to DO what God is telling and encouraging me to do.

I started to pray earlier, asking God to show me love and grace. And I realized that He has already done this. I find Him in everything... in the music I listen to whether it was written for that purpose or not, in people I meet, who will never realize the good things they are doing in my life, in the books I read, and in everything in nature He created. So then I prayed that He would show me how to help others. And I realized that my great aunt is a missionary, I have at least 4 churches I'm associated with that I could (and should) be way more involved in, and that all the resources are there. I know plenty of wonderful charities and groups that I could work with, and I know about many of the horrible things that go on in this world. So then I prayed for His help in DOING. I want to pray for pain and discomfort for myself. Because if there is no peace for my brothers and sisters, then I cannot truly be at peace. I am compassionate. I am loving. I am intelligent. I was made this way. God made me this way.

I hope that the hardest things I will ever have to go through in life are over already.

On a much lighter note, I hope that David didn't make a huge mistake by using dish soap in the washing machine.


i wake in the night and i want to write about what we went through
i've been lying still for weeks
got this new piano, and its older than my dad
but it sings the way i think so i stay at home and play
i get in and out some of these days
i'd rather swing below this old red tree
but i get tired, i've seen too much

i ain't got a dollar to my name but full of stories i am
i ramble on about love and her and her
there were two of them, one left and one died
one year in the life, you know i lost everything
but i found a new home in the women i belong to
they make me tired, i've seen too much

i aint never been so alone and i've never felt so cold
and i swear that i want love more than i want gold
i'd trade it all for one more story with you
or one more kiss with her, one more year innocent
and there was a time not so long ago when i knew i had the world
and i held it close, close enough to let me go
it made me tired, i've seen too much

I've been having a lot of really vivid dreams lately, during one nap it was terrible and I was feeding a dog meatloaf and was really angry and then all of a sudden I was really scared that the dog was going to bite my hands off mistaking them for meatloaf. The other night I had a dream that I had quadruplets. It was so great, I was incredibly happy and I had 4 cribs and all the babies were very different looking. I'm watching Jon and Kate plus 8 right now, maybe I've been watching it too much lately.

My Maymester class was really awesome and our trip to Atlanta was incredibly fun. We had a great group of people and our professor is awesome. My favorite places that we visited were the Carter Center, Turner Broadcasting, and the biggest PR firm in Atlanta, Manning, Selvage and Lee. I got to meet the guy that made this video...

How cute is that?!

David and I are moving to a new house at the end of the week! I'm ready to graduate and I'm going to be in class the rest of Summer, until August 6, I think. This gives me all summer to plan a graduation party.

5 classes
1 photo essay
1 individual campaign presentation
1 media plan
1 brochure
1 optional final...
away from the end of the semester!

I'll be officially finished May 2 at noon. I can't wait! And then I start Maymester like a week after that and then I have Summer I class(es) and then by July 1 I will be completely finished with college! How awesome is that?! Then in August I will be a college graduate and that, actually, is pretty scary. I'm looking forward to summer in Columbia because summer in Columbia is like 10 times better than any other time of the year here. Of course it's a million degrees but it's like half the people since so many college students leave and since we discovered the river last year, it's even more awesome. That's all for now. I have to go do homework.

I should be doing homework but instead I decided to take a nap today. I wasn't really that tired but I ended up sleeping really hard for 2 hours and I had some really crazy dreams. Here they are... I'm pretty sure I was driving to Georgia by myself and the traffic started getting really bad and I couldn't put on my brakes in time so I got in the right lane and they were directing people over to the left lane and there were a bunch of huge trucks around me. There was a guy laying down in the right lane and I thought he was hurt but then he got up and was directing traffic. Then I noticed that the bus in front of me was shooting out flames like backwards, not up, they were coming toward me and I was on the phone with my dad and I just told him I was turning around and coming home. The trucks behind me and everyone on the interstate had to just go in reverse because the flames kept coming closer and closer and I finally turned around and started driving towards home but then the road started cracking and I was sure I was going to drive into one of the huge cracks and I was crying over the phone and I could tell my dad was upset too but he was keeping as calm as he could and trying to talk me through it. Then somehow, it was that morning again, before I had left for Atlanta and I decided I would "change my fate" because I remembered what would happen if I tried the same thing. Then I saw this guy that I knew had been traveling to Atlanta too and I had to convince him to come with me but he knew what was going to happen and didn't think it was right to change it. I finally did convince him of it and he ended up bringing 3 of his friends to come with us which was not cool, because 1)they weren't a part of that natural disaster that was going to happen (had already happened before time went back all of a sudden) 2)they were not nice guys. I had a little sister in the dream that was coming too and his 3 friends were making fun of her and all 3 of them had to sit with her in the backseat of my dad's 2 door civic. When we left, the traffic was really bad leaving and it seemed like everyone had the same idea that I did, it really seemed like we were changing our fate by going somewhere different so we drove for as long as we could then stopped at a rest stop and by then it was all different people getting out of my car, cousins and friends mostly. And the guy and I had been arguing the whole way about stuff, but deep down it felt like we really loved each other and just couldn't agree on what we were doing and if it was right, but I think we made friends before we got the rest stop. Anyway, the rest stop was really busy and then instead of leaving we all just sat down and who happened to be there but Ryan Adams and he was sitting in a circle with my cousin and my brother and they were writing songs and then I helped them write a song. When I woke up I remembered my song and the line from it was "I'll hold out for something, maybe not anything that's special to me, but I'll hold out for something." It had sounded awesome with Ryan Adams playing guitar while I was singing it.

There is so much going on with school right now. It's so busy. My visual communications class is one I want to learn a lot in and we learn everything really fast in it so it's kind of hard to keep up. We have 2 projects due on Monday for that class which is insane, in my opinion.

This weekend, I'll be in Rock Hill helping my parents pack up and move! We, by which I mean Tony Neely, sold the house in less than a month! A new chapter in my mommy and daddy's life. They're moving to Greenville, I think they found an apartment to move into for a little while until they find a house that they want to buy. Jeffrey and Elise just bought a house in Greenville. There is a lot going on in my family. All of this reminds me that there is never a dull moment in life whether you're 21 or 50 or 100, there is always something.

The Solid Country Gold movie is being filmed in Greer and Blue Ridge every weekend for the next few months. It's exciting to be a part of, even if you're just there watching and don't really have a part in it (like me). It's really going to be the funniest thing ever.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I'll probably go to Rock Hill right after my classes and have my parents take me out for a Valentine's dinner. They suggested it. Maybe by next Valentine's Day my future husband will realize how much he loves me. There are several men I refer to as my "future husband" so pretty much any one (or all) of them who wants to realize his (their) love for me will do.

My New Year's Resolutions are coming along pretty well. I'm ahead of schedule on my "Read 12 books" but I feel like I'm already behind on "Travel to 5 new places." I am going to visit Kentucky this year. For sure. I just need to get a job first so I can afford the gas.

Life is good right now. As always, there is a lot to be thankful for. There is a lot that I want to be frustrated by but I don't even want to give it the time of day. I'm lucky and I'm loved. And I'm realizing that every moment that has ever passed has led up to and caused this moment in time, for us to be just where we are. How miraculous!

"If you were aware of how precious today is, you could hardly live through it.
Unless you are aware of how precious today is, you can hardly be said to be living at all."

I'm going to post a new entry soon. It's on my to-do list for the week. It will have more words than this one, just you wait!

Great things this year...

-i had an amazing job for about 9 months babysitting taylor and sallie
-earlier on in the year when brandon would come to columbia almost every weekend
-the first half of the year when we had parties at mulberry lane at least every weekend
-Simpson making me go see Manchester Orchestra with her before they started touring with brand new and mewithoutyou
-a new little cousin! Grant!
-ralph and randy atlanta adventure #1 seeing paolo nutini and standing right in front of him playing acoustic at the record store then the full show at variety playhouse. and the guy with the tooths.
-Carolina Cup
-every time Crystal came to Columbia... because it is a magical place
-Kellie coming to visit!
-i finished all 3 seasons of LOST
-the trip to Due West, SC to see the Format. and getting yelled at in the burger king parking lot and the unisex bathroom at that gas station.
-finding our secret spot at the river and spending every sunday either there or lounging
-the good health of everyone in my family
-emery, surrogate, and ruth at the handlebar!
-4th of July at the river and cookout at Mulberry
-warped tour '07 with brandon and simpson and being backstage!
-seeing the format in atlanta with marian... the day we fell in love with steel train
-all the Kolter and Bourbon Brothers shows
-my awesome roommates at the Moose Lodge
-MURDOCKAPALOOZAFESTAROOSTOCK 1
-Simpson's 21st birthday bash
-finding out about and seeing All Get Out 14 times in charleston, columbia, augusta, lexington... and making friends with them!
-David and I adventuring to raleigh to see Dashboard Confessional (solo!)
-Solid Country Gold
-tailgating at Field House and the first half of our football season
-going to Thomasville, NC to see We Shot the Moon
-scrabbling with Melissa and friends
-having 3 A's and 2 B+'s (3.8 GPA!)
-moose lodge parties
-Ralph and Randy adventures
-all the wonderful shows and all the wonderful people i attended them with
-my TOMS i got for christmas
-tacky christmas sweater parties
-the continual growth of melissa's archive
-all the wonderful people i have become friends with or became better friends with

Thank you to all the friends who made this year wonderful, who had anything to do with any of these things listed. I love you guys.
May 2008 be filled with lots of new adventures, more good shows and music, and more great times with all my great friends.

I have extra time this week (since kids eventually have to start going to school) and so I will be a) doing homework and b) organizing and getting rid of crap. I have tooooo much stuff. If you want some perfume, lotion, hair product, or makeup, I have a ridiculous amount and I will give it to you.

My mom is preparing to move since that's what they will most likely be doing sometime in the first half of 2008 and she's making me take to Columbia or throw away all my stuff. And I've realized today how much it's weighing me down.

I have felt so content with life lately and it has been really great. Good things are happening for all of my family, everything is just happy right now. I hope things continue this way and it looks as though they will.

This week...
-Unclutter my life
-1 test to study for
-1 big assignment due next monday
-finish fall 07 mixx
-Murder By Death (tuesday)
-Steel Train in Atlanta (thursday)
-Motion City Soundtrack, Anberlin, Mae in Charlotte (saturday)
-get advised (and hopefully i can graduate sometime in the near future)
-look at internships, send out some resumes maybe
-find a job for the rest of this semester
-read
-flirt with hott boyz

:)